The sword that stabs the soul.
Image by David Boca, Unsplash.
Get into a memory of someone who you just can't forgive.
One unforgivable person or thing.
Picture that person coming up to you, saying, "Bummer, I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you! Can we just call it a day?" and then they leave.
Why doesn't that feel right?
Because the whole little thing, "I never meant to hurt you," that's the thing you can't forgive.
That's the thing that goes to your soul.
That toxic, sick feeling.
"What do you mean you never meant to hurt me?"
The sword goes past your mind and straight into your soul...
Now, re-do the scene.
**
"I need to speak with you. I need to tell you something. I consciously knew what I was doing. I consciously knew it.
And I have to call it something else. I sinned against you.
I heard my conscience tell me not to do this and I didn't listen to it.
I know my actions redirected the course of your life.
It was conscious.
That was a SIN.
Because it was conscious.
And how much it hurt you, did not stop me.
This is not a boo-boo.
This is not an apology.
I am confessing my soul to you.
And, I'm asking now, for your forgiveness."
The depth of that...
Did that touch your soul?
That's what gets the sword out."
**
When I listened to this from Carolyn Myss today, I felt almost sick inwardly.
Sick for how many crappy apologies I've gotten in my life.
Or, none at all.
Sick for how many crappy apologies I've given.
Or, none at all.
There is a list of people I have to work on forgiving.
People closest to my heart.
Most of all, me.
I had such a huge aha moment today. This realization that if I could just stop being a perpetrator to myself for the ways I feel wounded, then that energy would no longer be in my field.
I would no longer attract it.
Or, as Marianne Williamson said, it wouldn't even matter anymore. I simply wouldn't care.
I really got that today.
I got how my vibe continues to create situations that look like external things happening TO ME wherein if I simply healed that part of me, then the whole like-attracts-like would apply and that kind of feeling would no longer happen in the ways that it has.
This is taking responsibility for everything.
This is owning your life.
Every day for 30 days, can you pray for the person who has wounded you?
Can you bless them and wish for their happiness?
Can you do this for up to 5 minutes a day?
I did it this morning.
I'll do it again tomorrow.
I will cultivate loving-kindness towards myself and towards others as best as I can.
Knowing I need to apologize like what Carolyn Myss shared above. And, if I don't hear it from the people who've hurt me, then I need to say it again to myself.
May you feel safe.
May you feel strong.
May you feel content.
May you live with ease.
That is the blessing for loving-kindness.
For metta.
For yourself.
For the ones you love.
For the ones who hurt you.
And, for the world.
That is how we heal.
