The surprising AHA I had in Costco.

JANUARY 18

The surprising aha I had in Costco…

Aloha, Wild Heart,

My daughter just turned four and we’ll be hosting a celebratory day at the park here in Taipei this weekend — we went to the local Costco yesterday to pick up food for the friends who’ll be coming to welcome her next turn around the sun.

As I was pushing the cart around, countless thoughts of my upcoming divorce swirling in my head, I had a sudden deep awareness of the simple truth so many of us have heard for so long:

Your happiness must come from within you. It can’t come from anyone or anything outside of you.

It arrived in my consciousness beside the supplement aisle.

It came right before we were about to check-out, a seemingly everyday kind of moment.

But, this time, I truly got it.

I thought about all the times in recent months that I’ve tried to assuage my husband, so that he would hopefully approach me with kindness and respect, only to realize that I couldn’t at all predict what response he was going to show me…

Sometimes, it was rational.

Sometimes, it was not.

Byron Katie would encourage you “Love What Is” and accept what’s unfolding as “perfect” just the way it is to ensure you have peace no matter what, but I increasingly realize there is a very delicate balance between pursuing spiritual wisdom and practicing spiritual bypassing of the harder parts of normal life.

I recently spoke with a woman who’s been through both a divorce and a relationship similar to mine who said, “I used it as an opportunity to become UNLEASHED.”

She had always been the good girl.

She had always taken care of everyone else.

Her challenging relationship was an opportunity to give herself permission to be crazy in the craziness surrounding her, so that she could finally say all the things she’d always wanted to say in order to establish new healthier boundaries.

It made a positive difference in her life.

It made a positive difference in her business.

As I pushed the cart forward in Costco, I finally GOT how exhausting it is to allow your well-being and contentment to be deeply impacted by the choices, words, or thoughts of another.

To keep thinking that if I do this “right thing,” then someone else will treat me in a “right way.”

In a perfect world, the Golden Rule would hold true every single time, but life is actually about reconnecting to grace and mercy when Murphy’s Law hits you, too.

Sometimes, things will go wrong.

You can do every right thing and still, there are x factors beyond your control, many of which come through in relationships when either person is triggered or challenged.

I call my Spirit back.

And, you can, too.

Let the people in your life who know how to hit you in your most vulnerable spots actually be beacons of Light.

Let them shine the spotlight on precisely where you still have growing opportunities, so that you can heal and strengthen WITHIN you FOR you.

Rather than seeing them as antagonistic, you can see them as shortcuts to your enlightenment.

They’re helping you to see where you can strengthen.

You’ll know you’re healed when what they say or do rolls off you like water off a duck’s back.

You’ll know you’ve evolved when you can laugh at what’s happening, even in the moment.

As a friend said to me:

“When you come out of this, you are going to be an even stronger person. Nothing will shake you.”

Let’s do this.