EPISODE 73: A PSA TO ASIAN AMERICANS: EMBRACE YOUR ROLE AS A CHANGE MAKER WITH RUOYUN XU KILLIAN
MEET: RUOYUN XU KILLIAN
With over 10 years in the Digital and Social Media Marketing industry, Social Media & Business Strategist, Ruoyun Xu Killian, works with changemakers to implement Human-Centered marketing and build an online experience that reflects the trusting relationship with their customers. By tapping into their unique human connection, she helps changemakers amplify their impact in the world.
Website:
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https://www.instagram.com/imperfectlyren/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/rxuconsulting/
LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/ruoyunxu/
SHOW NOTES
Trigger warning: suicide is mentioned in this episode.
Ruoyun, our guest for today, isn’t just any marketer — she uses a human-centered approach when it comes to digital marketing and strategy. Being a projector (as in, human design) and Chinese American (but a self-identified global citizen), she has a profound and unique perception of humans and our relationship with each other.
In this episode, we take a deep dive into a lot of topics many of us Asian Americans didn't get to talk about growing up such as suicide, mental health, grief, shame, and what it felt — or still feels like — being the "parentified generation."
Despite these heavy topics, Ruoyun brings a lot of energy, sass, and humor into the episode, so I know you'll resonate with this episode as much as I did!
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Judy Tsuei 00:00
So the holidays are upon us. And when I was growing up, I loved them. Because we were always around extended family, I had cousins, aunts, and uncles. And even though I was always the black sheep of the family, having that sense of extended family around was always so fun. And then there started to be strife amongst my father and his siblings, and they all started to grow further apart. And because of that, we stopped celebrating holidays, the same as we used to, as well, you know, it was always so lovely every year that my parents would buy a tree, and weren't big on gift giving, we didn't really get presents for our birthdays, or Christmas or anything like that. But we always had a tree and I love the smell that we've also always had a fireplace in our house.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
And so you know, we would have that smell as well. So, smell is one of those senses within us that really brings about memory. So you know, perhaps you've gone around somewhere and you've smelled freshly baked bread, or the smell of a perfume or something and it immediately brings you back to some other time in your life. So because of that I've always wanted a live tree. And I've continued that tradition with my own daughter, there was a period of time where my family was going through such hardship, such financial hardship, that they couldn't afford, that they couldn't afford to pay bills, you know, our phone line would get cut off, there was all sorts of madness at that time.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
The other thing that he showed me was where the second site is my sense of intuition and how we can deepen and broaden and open that up even more. And then especially the back lower part of my brain, how active it is, it's so lit up. And the way that he delivered that information. I jokingly said to him, are you gonna tell me that I'm like a sociopath or something like that? And he laughed, and he said, No, but do you want to know somebody else who has the same brain patterning as you do? And I asked who it was, and he said, Stephen King, so I was like, you just compared me to a horror writer. But he said that, you know, Stephen King has this drive where he needs to write or else he feels like he will die.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
And he's like that same motivation is within you where you feel like you need to go go go all the time, or you feel like you will die. And if anybody knows me, well, they will know that I am very much preoccupied with death. I think about it all the time. I'm one of my close friends of Vive, we went to San Miguel de Allende last year. And we talked a lot about that how we both have this shared sense of purpose that we've known since we were young, yet we're still unclear as to what that purpose is. And also, that we think about death all the time.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
Just any moment could be your last that because you have this finite time on this planet, you need to make the most of every single second. And so Dr. Drew or Dr. Pearson, he, you know, shared that he could see that within me that I have that same gogogo and he also saw that I have the same brain patterning as a lot of executives and leaders and CEOs in which you're A little bit OCD, maybe that you need to be to be able to function at these levels and to manage teams and to do all that kind of stuff. But a lot of this repatterning is to be in flow, to work with less hustle and to also truly achieve what is possible in this life.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
And so that's what he helps to integrate. And then Dr. Amy Albright, he mapped her brain. And he said that she has a brain that point 5% of the world's population does. So she is able to take insights and intuition and channeling to next levels. So I'm very excited that that's going to be happening at the end of January, I'm so curious as to see what kind of shifts will be made. And there's great hesitation because in this kind of work in this consciousness kind of work, when you're met with that opportunity, and the way that Amy and I, when we were talking about it, I was very resonant with the way she described, you know, the before and after, because I'm exactly where she was before.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
And the after is what I would love to feel. But one of the things that we talked about as well is just that, how it will feel for us to step into greater roles as parents, for our children to be the best guides that we can for them. And how there is that fear from the ego of but this is how we've been doing it all along. And even if it's sometimes quite a struggle, and other times, I mean, it's pretty great or okay, that at least this is what we know. So if anyone's ever done any sort of psychedelic experience, there is that potential sense of ego death.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
If you haven't watched Paul Stamets movie, fantastic fungi, you'll see different practitioners leading people who are terminally ill through that experience and what that experience is like and speaking to that, as well as if you haven't checked out our interview with Dr. Sam Koh, where he talks about ketamine therapy that's really fascinating to check out in our previous season one episodes as well. So without further ado, I'd love to introduce you to Lauren Chu, Kilian, she's spent over 10 years in the digital and social marketing industry.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
And she works with changemakers to implement human centered marketing, to build an online experience that reflects a trusting relationship with their customers. And I love that she takes this human centered approach. It's one of the things that drew me to her when we first got to know each other living in Austin, we both met at a speaking event, and then afterwards connected over our shared family backgrounds. And she's actually educated me so much about the Asian experience, because she dove into it, both personally and professionally.
Judy Tsuei 00:46
So I've loved speaking with her and truly having her champion me and my dreams and what's possible. And I think that that's what she does with changemakers. To help amplify their impact in the world. It's been really remarkable to see her growth. And I've loved knowing that she's in my corner, you know, bringing everything about Fox saving face to life, bringing just my personal evolution into being. I think that human centered marketing is so important. It's something that I do with wild hearted words. It's a conversation that we just had with a client this week, and really coming from a place of amplifying potential rather than emphasizing lack. So we're turning the ownership back to the person that we're speaking to reminding them of what they have at their disposal, and just how much power exists within each and every one of us. So I hope that you will get as much out of today's interview as I did.
Judy Tsuei 01:25
And as a young child, I didn't have full grasp of what money meant. I just knew the stress and the arguments that it was causing. But I would still beg my parents to please get a tree. And now as a parent myself, I know how devastating it is when you feel that you're disappointing your child. And so I remember that my father, I think picked up like the dregs of a tree The Night Before Christmas Eve, or on Christmas Eve or even Christmas day, just so that we would have that. So it's been one tradition that I've continued to keep alive for my daughter, especially because I'm divorced. And so her upbringing is a lot of alternating.
Judy Tsuei 02:06
It's spending one holiday with her dad, and then one with me, and then switching off year by year. And it's very different. But I still want to create that sense of family. And I'm not necessarily very close to my family of origin, but I have created community everywhere we've lived in the world. And thankfully, because of that, we've always had family of choice. So the holidays are a very bittersweet time for me. And I will speak to the fact that you know, my current partner, he's very close to his family very, very close, and also is the eldest child, you know, he's got this relationship with his parents that I very much admire. And one day he was here, and he was calling his dad and his mom, and I was in my room, and I was doing some work.
Judy Tsuei 02:49
And I could just hear bits of their conversation later that evening, we went for a walk. And I shared with him, you know, hearing that it's something that I would never have with my own parents. And he asked why. And I said, well, first of all, we don't actually have a shared language. Yes, I can speak a bit of Mandarin, and they can speak English. But when it comes to the depth of comprehension and understanding, we don't have that, and also just by the pure nature of Tiger parenting and the way that we were reared. And as far along as we've come, it's difficult to have conversations without judgment, without feeling judged.
Judy Tsuei 03:21
And so a lot of the times, if I do have a conversation with my parents, and they asked, How are you doing, I just keep it very surface level, it just makes things easier. And when I mentioned that to him, he just had never thought that you just wouldn't have a shared common language with your parents that you couldn't have these everyday conversations, or even really deep heart to heart conversations. And so that was eye opening for him. But it's also interesting to be around him and see how close he is to his family of origin and how this holiday season he'll be flying back to the East Coast. And they will be having everybody under one roof. And so it's always a little bit bittersweet for me, because I of course, want him to have an amazing time.
Judy Tsuei 04:00
I want him and his children to have an amazing time. But it holds up a mirror to what it is that I feel like I've always wanted. In my heart of hearts. You know, I've always wanted that close sense of connection and relationship, but that I don't necessarily have that. And I have it with the people that I've chosen to bring into my life. But there's something also very different about your blood relationships. So if you find yourself moving into the holiday season and feeling a bit challenged, the good news is is that I will be offering a mindfulness practice. I haven't done one for a large majority of the season, but I will offer one next week.
Judy Tsuei 04:35
And then the following week, we'll be closing the season off with an incredible interview with my team at Wild hearted words my strategic content marketing agency and these incredible human beings who are being of service to the clients that we work with as well as helping to bring this podcast to you. So I'm really grateful that they are also the chosen people in my life. This all relates to today's episode in the fact that you know My guest today she speaks about suicide, she speaks about sexual preference and self discovery, she speaks about consciousness and running her own agency and then also having a very, you know, potentially strained relationship with her parents.
Judy Tsuei 05:16
And so there are a lot of threads in today's conversation that I think you may resonate with if you grew up in families of origin, similar to ours. And one of the things that I'm very, very excited about for 2022 is not just what my team and I will be doing and the glow up that we're going to have for our look in our field and the different clients, the high level clients that we're bringing on. But it's also that I personally have said yes to this incredible consciousness neuroscience retreat.
Judy Tsuei 05:44
It's a three day immersion, it's very exclusive and selective. It's only available for three people. The two people who are leading it are not only have they been executives in their field, and acupuncturist and scientists and just working with very influential people, but they are also clients in mind. So I will get to experience firsthand the quantum shifts that they have created for other people. And Drew Dr. Drew Pearson is one of the people and Dr. Amy All right is the other.
Judy Tsuei 06:16
So Dr. Pearson mapped my brain for me. And in this session, what I found was so phenomenal was that just by his scan of my brain, he could tell me so much about my life, my history, where I am now. And his approach. Because I was a bit hesitant for him to do this, I thought that I would feel very naked, that he could see so many things about me that maybe I've been able to hide from other people. But he said that he doesn't have that kind of judgment. What he sees instead is that he sees what Michelangelo saw when he was creating David, he saw the slab of marble, and he saw the genius inside and what needed to come out.
Judy Tsuei 06:54
And so that's what he does when he works with his different clients as he sees your unique gifts and your essence inside. And then he works with your brain to rewire your circuitry, so that you can achieve who it is you are meant to be on this planet. So what I thought was fascinating is after he did the scan, which took 15 minutes, he saw that I have a mother wound, he saw that there are areas of my life in which I'm hesitating. And he said, You know, I'm not exactly sure yet which areas specifically, but I will figure that out with you. And then he could tell that when it comes to connections, even though I'm a super connector, even though I am able to create relationships very easily that in my heart of hearts, I never actually feel very connected.
Judy Tsuei 07:38
And this is a conversation that I've had with my partner a lot in which I feel as though you know, I can see how much he loves me and how much he respects me. And I sit there sometimes. And I asked him, What does it feel like to be that connected to someone because I feel that I have my defenses so far up, and so high, that even though he is probably the closest that I've ever let anyone in in terms of an intimate relationship, especially that I can still feel that I'm holding myself back and apart. And so I want that sense of depth of connection. You know, it's one of the things that I have worked on to create with my own daughter as well. And so it was interesting that Dr. Drew could see that in my mind mapping.
Judy Tsuei 09:16
Welcome to the f*ck saving face podcast. I'm your host Judy Tsuei. And together we'll explore mental and emotional health for Asian Americans and beyond all by breaking through taboo topics, like may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Let's make your story beautiful today. Alrighty, welcome to another episode of the facts saving face podcast where we are here to break all the things taboo, and to help redefine what it means to be Asian American in the world today. So I'm really excited because I have my guest, Lauren Killian. And we met when we were living in Austin, Texas together.
Judy Tsuei 13:16
Since that time, I've just loved staying connected on social media and watching all the things that she's been doing. She takes this human centered approach to digital marketing and strategy when we first met I think we actually met at a live event before COVID happened. And then there were hundreds of people I think that who were there and then you and I just happened to find each other and then we started talking about different things. Just personal as well as you know, kind of being Asian American. As you can imagine living in Austin, Texas, we are not as highly represented as some other cultures and ethnicities, unicorns. Yeah, exactly. And you know, and one of the things that we will also touch upon is this idea that Warren is a projector.
Judy Tsuei 14:40
So if anybody's ever studied human design, it's another way to kind of understand who you are and how you show up. It takes different elements of astrology, Eastern philosophies, all that kind of stuff. But what's unique about Lauren is that she has this ability to see things you know, much more in advanced timing and then other people see it. So as she explained, she would say that she feels it before everybody else feels it, which I think is fascinating. And you know, being in digital marketing is great because you can predict trends and all this other stuff. And you have such a unique background as well with like, Kpop. And so we'll touch upon a little bit of that.
15:20
music journalist Yeah,
Judy Tsuei 15:22
yeah, exactly. I'm gonna turn it over to you, and how would you explain like yourself, your cultural background and identity and a bit just about your story.
15:31
Cool. So my name is Lauren, like Lauren with an R. And I am a Chinese American. Although I normally call myself Asian American, I have, I am actually an Austin native. So I'm the truest of uniprint. In that, like nickname. I'm an Austin native, and I have, but I've also simultaneously lived north in Chicago, I've lived in France, I've traveled my family all over the world in Asia, and I fly back to Japan, Korea, China, like every two to three years. So I am a global citizen, which is what I naturally identify way more as. And what I do in my day to day is, I am a digital marketing strategist.
16:18
And I specialize in helping businesses and organizations that are changemakers, and the individuals in there that are changemakers, and really teach them how to implement what I call a human centered marketing and business into everything that they do so that they continue amplifying the impact that they're cultivating in their communities. And what human centered X marketing business relationships is, is it's honing back on the power of the human relationship is social media and digital marketing at its core is one human being mean to another human being. And that's business. It's one individual organization, human, interacting and serving another human, whether it's through a product or service. And it's not about the functional need that is being satisfied.
17:11
But the actual emotional experience that has human beings and us being emotional creatures, and we make our decisions at the end of the day, based on how we feel, that is the core of which it is. And in today's day and era where we're post pandemic and technology, as accelerated by five years, it's no longer about the functional tactical ways that we're serving each other, but how we're truly connecting at a humanistic level. And the reason why I love all of this is because we live in a world where the next generation really connects at a values level versus a outershell level because they connect digitally on a digital arena, you connect a username to a username, not a physical human to a physical human.
18:04
So when you're judging and understanding another person, it's based on their values, actions and words and less on what they look like. And that's the generation that we live in. And technology has amplified that and accelerated that to the extreme. And if we allow ourselves to innovate and refocus on the power of being human in business, and marketing, where innovation thrives, then we can let that ripple through the rest of the world, and society in general. So that's why I do all that I do as an instigator. And yeah, my previous life backgrounds are music journalism and marketing, business consulting a bajillion other thing.
Judy Tsuei 18:50
I want to think about this idea of like Changemaker because being Asian American, you know, growing up in my own personal background, being told that you got to do everything to fit in the changemakers, like the complete opposite of that it's really standing in your power. It's giving yourself permission to share your gifts with the world, it's shining a spotlight on you. So if anybody, you know, feels this calling to do something bigger, and I know you've been such a huge force in that for me, and I think that you do this with a lot of other people is seeing their gifts before they see it, seeing how they're going to contribute to the world before they're able to see it. What are some of the things that you would encourage people to reflect upon to be able to kind of stand in that power of being a change maker?
19:32
I think the first piece is honoring why you feel you know, like, in order for us to welcome in and fully accept our fullest being we have to understand that we are not perfect, we're never designed to be perfect. And in our like imperfections is where we are human. Because if we are perfect, we would be machines. Let's let's just be honest and real to the fact of that, right? And we're not as much as like 10 Taking and the symbology of things as being designed for in this post industrial era. We're not machines. And it's in that human imperfection that we are human.
20:12
And the key is to understand your darkness is when you welcome in and allow yourself to ask yourself in the ultimate question is, do I choose to let my darkness slash everything else around me lead my life? Or do I get to choose to own my life? My favorite quote, I think it's Victor Actel. I'm butchering his last name, I apologize. But if you Google the quote, you can figure out that you can see the final quote, but the ad lib is in the pause between our reaction and our action lies our power. And that's the biggest piece our instinct as Asian Americans, because we live in a naturally collectivist culture is to belong means to fit.
21:00
And even in individualistic cultures, like think about high school and like the cliques of high school, like you want to fit in. And that's a part of human connectivity is that in order to feel like you're like, as human beings, we want to be seen, be heard and feel like we're a part of something bigger. And part of that is to feel belonging, but the being part of something bigger than ourselves, is a universal feeling, and should go beyond a clique. And so when we're talking about even whether you're in highly individualistic cultures, like America, or collective cultures, like the, like Asian cultures, there is this instinct that if I ripple too much, or stand out too much, I will be rejected.
21:45
And that's the core fear that we have is that if we're so focused on seeking belonging, we end up feeling like okay, in order to not be rejected, I have to show only a part of myself dating, you know, like the first few, like, Never show your true self, right. And then there's this beam of dating, and then you go into serial dating, like, I joke that I was a serial dater, and my husband is the like serial monogamist. Like that's like, he's like, you have the long term relationships and my average relation last six weeks, because after six weeks, I'm like, I'm tired of playing this game, I need to show my fullest self. And if you can't handle it, you can't handle it.
22:25
And lucky for me, my husband is like, No, we're lonely, honest, first date four hours, deep dive all that jazz, right. And to sum it up, it's being comfortable in owning that it is okay to allow yourself to be seen. Because it is not the acceptance of others that truly matter, but the acceptance of yourself. Because if we don't love ourselves, we can't love anybody else.
Judy Tsuei 22:59
I want to underscore that it's okay to allow yourself to be seen. I think that for so many of us, we're constantly fighting this battle internally that we do want to be seen. But we're also afraid to be seen, and we do want to be seen and then we're afraid to be seen. So it's a very, like, tiring and exhausting place to be. And recently, you and I had a conversation where you said, you know, are you going to allow yourself to be happy? Because it sounds like there are things in your life happening right now that are opportunities for you to be happy?
Judy Tsuei 23:27
Or do you want to be in what's familiar, which is the struggle and the you know, doubt and the whatever other shadow emotions that that might be another way that I think I've phrased it for other people as well. It's like, do you want to argue for your limitations? Or do you want to open up to, you know, a greater expanse of living and sometimes wanting all of those good things and wanting to live in the authenticity is wonderful, but it's also gonna feel really uncomfortable. And I think that in the beginning, it's important to start to differentiate between is this discomfort because this is not aligned to who I am, and something that I don't want to do. And it's not right for me, or is this discomfort because it's not something that I'm used to, and I've never been like in this space before. And you know, what the heck is going on?
Judy Tsuei 24:10
So I think that you and I have also talked about making sure that you have this core group of people who you can be really honest with and very open with and if you're an external processor, where maybe you talk through things, and that's how you figure things out, which is what I am. And I think you've alluded to, like that's also how you are
24:29
an extrovert to the true stuff work.
Judy Tsuei 24:32
Exactly. So you know, thinking about that, can you tell us a little bit about like, what it means to be a projector and what it what it means to be in that kind of like visionary space, because I've done my human design. I'm a generator, we'll do a whole episode about human design to come. But um, you know, as a generator, I am like one of the people who does stuff like as the name connotes, like, I'm gonna take that energy and I'm gonna create and you know, A projector is different. I also recently had someone send me a message on Instagram telling me that she's a reflector. And I'm like, I've never met one of you.
25:08
They're rare percent of the population. They're rare little beautiful beans. And yeah, they're awesome. So long story short, but human design pieces, like if you want to understand the long story short about human design is that if you lean into blue and you need like a more systematic way of understanding the world piece of thing, it's Eastern and Western, dumbed down in variables. The key is that there's no right or wrong comp, there's like 12 layers of descriptors in human design. And that means like, endless and infinite amounts of combinations that makes a unique human being. And the answer is there is no right combination. And we're talking about projectors and generators and manifesting, etc.
25:52
A lot of that is here, only one variable of how you function. It's like Myers Briggs, you only got those of your preferences, and then you have Strength Finders that show you're like where your strengths are like they're all like each test. Each of these tests are showing one variation of who you are. And that's what we lean to is like, if you lean super Woo, you'll embrace human design. If you are more systematically or rational oriented, you'll lean more towards the others.
25:52
And if you if anybody has questions, they can DM me and I can literally explain to you a range between rational to blue and like literally put them in a timeline because I'm that nerd of a human anyway, but a projector is someone who is who has no more so if we lean a little bit more until whoo conversation and we have no energy or aura and so in order for us to function we have to receive or doesn't mean we're energy vampires it just means that as we receive aura though, we literally attract the truth iteration of a human being and as a kid growing up I would just like have no filter so I'm like truth bomb everyone that I met. And now I've learned like oh, I have to say this keyword of can I reflect back to you and get your
Judy Tsuei 27:14
family must have loved that? Oh, my. Because I will do and then I was like, Oh, I'm in trouble. Right? I
27:25
learned to like in tune a inner sassy human. Like we joke among my close friends and I say that I've inner sassy Asian grandma was like partially a drag queen. Like when I go full Sass people are like, what is this they're like, I love it, but also holy she would not ever be able to handle you and like the first meeting with you being the Supersonics when I say I only show this part of me if I'm truly comfortable. Like if you start seeing me show SAS of you. It's not because I don't show my sauce to the world or I'm afraid of it. Like if you see me on social, etc.
28:03
I get saucy, but I don't get super rolly fasci Except for to the closest of my friends that I know I can do it in a loving way. Right? But a projector is basically you project truth bombs. But we have to be invited into the conversation to do that, as a cultured human who has traveled the world and I'm a nerdy human like i My fun fact is I've watched every single world war two documentary on the off Netflix because I was like that people are like, Why? God and I was like, again, embracing the darkness to understand the future, right.
28:40
So in my processing of the post 2016 elections, I don't care where you fall on the spectrum of where your political beliefs are, we'd have to admit that it created a rift in dialogue in our world, right. And so for me, I was like, this is eerily familiar to how Hitler came to power. So let me just like watch everything around World War Two, so I can understand slash guide and have conversations intellectually, to get people out of the surface level disconnect of dialogue and reconnect again and be like let's not have history repeat itself, please.
29:17
I would really like to avoid a world war three in my description, right? Like that's how it started. But part of that pieces as a projector, I could do an individual one to one which works really great and marketing where you just literally pull the messaging out of people. But what I do because I have this cultural arena is I see the world at large. And it was something that I have built as a mental habits as a child to understand in justices that were built adult on me as an Asian American growing like as an Asian American growing up I was like, why the heck am I feeling this levels of rejection? Right and in justices That has happened to me and being able to understand that society has shifted those pieces, and then allowed me to be like, Okay, this is why I have language around why I feel rejection. And then I have a choice, how I want to act in space, like I understand why I react. And in this space, I can now decide how I choose to act in response.
Judy Tsuei 30:26
But one of the things that you really helped me understand too, is how Asian Americans have been the silent generation for so long. And you know, the feeling of not belonging? Can you talk a little bit about that, like, I loved your unique reflection back to me of what being Asian American meant, like, you know, especially for our generation. Yeah.
30:50
So let me give a disclaimer in the sense that, like, first off, we are labeled Asian American. And it's like being called European American and saying, like, the narrative of French American versus an Italian American is like, similar, but like, day and night kind of experiences. And so I want to put that disclaimer of what I'm going to explain is mainly my narrative and narrative that I've heard from others, and how I explained things, you may have different intricacies because of the way your culture shows up if you are not, in this way.
31:24
So most of my narrative is being around Chinese, Japanese, Korean, a lot. And I do have friends that have there are other layers, like what happens when you're Southeast Asian, and the skin tones and all that jazz. So basically, long story short, if we think of like belonging, and in that mindset of groups that you identify with, we are disconnected at the core like we are neither, we're told that we are not Asian enough. Or we're not a person of color enough in this country, where we're not told like, Oh, you're not dark enough, is a very different way of saying it. You're not dark enough. And then with whites, we're told that we're not white enough.
31:24
No, we don't. There's that disconnection. And then the other disconnection that we feel is within each other, right, like, like, and part of it is also, a lot of these cultures are highly homogenous. And so like, it's like Koreans judged very harshly Chinese people, Chinese people, just really actually Japanese people. And like all that jazz, right? Like, there's a lot of that there's skin tone, like you if you're darker skin tone, you're naturally judged more in within each other. And then there's the other part of if you're in China, specifically, like as a Chinese American, it's your generational shift.
31:24
Like there's even that distinction, not only are we distinctive of not being a person of color, versus being a white Association, we are also judged based on nationality. And we're also judged based on generation. So if you are born free to 1000s, like if you enter the United States, three 2005, I put it generously, you enter this country, when China if we're using Chinese American as a specific example, China was a third world country or a developing country, they're like, third world developing, etc, right? Like, the current government has only been in power since the 1950s. There was a lot of like, economic issues, etc.
31:24
And so we entered where it and then by the time we reached, so if you're like a kid my age in our generation, and how old by the time I age, so Oh, yes, I was, I entered the United States. I was born in China, and I entered the United States in 96. So I was about four years old. So by the time 2008 2010 rolled around, and I was a high school, my friends that into the United States Post 2005 I was loud and proud about the Chinese culture because they are a high, powerful country at that point. And so literally, I was disassociated, because every single thing that they were proud of I was shamed for in the United States, like come on people loving ramen, and sushi or Udaan. Or like they love pulled noodles.
Judy Tsuei 34:21
In general just packs of seaweed.
34:24
I know I'm like, Yeah, I got shamed for that. I got shamed for soy sauce, like people like oh, he puts out the white rice, right? And I'm like, this is not the thing that you do. Like, I was like, oh goodness, right. Like, I like I labeled all Japanese food, but like Japanese was kind of like the first wave then it was Korean food and then eventually hit Chinese food like now in Austin, you're finally seeing Chinese food appear, even though Houston it's like, Chinatown has Chinese letters on it. Like it's interesting, like even in micro places, right? And so We're totally disconnected on that.
35:03
But because of the nature of our culture, we don't feel like we could call out, or even able to explain words into it. And growing up as a kid, really understanding Silent Generation was like, no one's narrative aligned to me, like people on screen didn't look like me. People didn't do that. I mean, I turned into a rebel. And so I was like, well, if no one's gonna do this, I'm just gonna hack the system and put myself and be the token, one of two Asians graduating from my high school class, milk, it get the highest of GPAs get full ride into my university of choice, because they only have a population of 2% of Asian, like, I will milk the system.
35:50
And I'm really lucky and privileged to milk the system as an Asian American, but it was kind of like this anger of oh, I don't belong, well, if you are just gonna, like go move the system at that point. So and that was a lot of my personal narrative. And then that had developed into understanding why I felt anger of rejection that created that thought process, to being able to say, nowadays, when I talk about them, when I sit on panels, for business conferences, talking about diversity and showing up in diversity, or having the conversation of Black Lives Matter, and stuff like that, I say that it's not about being voicing who has more pain, it's about building bridges, so that the next generation does not feel the same pain point that we feel. I love that. I think that,
Judy Tsuei 36:45
you know, there's so much that's resonant about what you're talking about in terms of how it's interesting, the time shift, the culture shift, I mean, one of the things that was surprising to me, and, you know, I just assumed that after I aged out of having a tiger parent, and like doing all these things, that it was no longer relevant, like, oh, well, the whole cultural conversation must have changed by now. Right? Because, you know, now I'm in my 40s, to like, it's a different story, until I started dating someone who is in education, and then would tell me that because he was, you know, he's working in these communities that are predominantly Asian, that they're still experiencing the same things that I was experiencing, of still having, like, you know, the tiger parenting, or just the mental emotional health challenges,
Judy Tsuei 37:31
you know, every now and again, he'd have to have a conversation with parents, because a student was potentially threatening self harm, or you could see that there was some impact that was happening. And he was letting me know that, like, he could see that they were very respectful in the conversation with him that they, you know, listened to him. But he knew that, like, once they left, nothing would have changed, everything would have still, you know, been there. And so that kind of woke me up and got me to realize, like, wow, there's still people who are going through this, even though you know, we're now in like, 2021.
Judy Tsuei 38:01
But regardless, there are still people who are dealing with, you know, trauma or different levels of feeling confined to the expectations that are placed upon them. So I think that, that's why when you mentioned Silent Generation, I was like, Okay, it's time for us to start speaking up. And it's time for us to better understand ourselves, like you said, you know, understanding the demons and the dark side in order to embrace that to start creating real change.
Judy Tsuei 38:26
And one of the things that I think is so motivating is that like, in these conversations, where we're amplifying black and brown voices, where do they Asian voices go, and I didn't know, like I was representing representing diversity in wellness for a mindfulness app, because I was one of like, the only people of color but then I was like, I don't identify as a person of color. Because that's not how I grew up, I grew up like I being told I was a minority.
Judy Tsuei 38:49
And then understanding like, you know, if we were really to, like, peel back the curtains and talk about the things that nobody talks about, when you grow up as an Asian American is like how there's so much racism in our families of origin against other marginalized populations, like against other Asian groups against each other, like, you know, you know, my dad owned a construction company, and so hired a lot of Mexican laborers. And so like, there were discussions around them, like what how, you know, the hierarchy of things or like, I mean, I'm just going to be perfectly blunt, but and not at all proud of this, but I knew that like, if I dated outside of my ethnicity, then like, White would be acceptable. But if I ventured into any other, you know, demographic or cultural group, especially if it was someone who's African American, I would have heard about it a lot.
39:39
So yeah, 1,000% and I'm just gonna, like, put this out there. And this is like, Okay, so I've literally had my mother tell me this when I was a kid being like, you will never marry an Asian guy because you are too white. Oh, like point blank. So like that one scene and crazy rich. I think I stopped at that part of the day because I was like this triggering was cringe comedy and I hate Grinch comedy. And it's triggering. And it's a romance that has been played like time and time again, like every Korean drama, I don't need this, like, great. I supported it. And I'm like, It's great can get other content besides this, and then I'll fully embrace it anyway.
40:16
But like, there was that one scene where her mom was like, You are neither Chinese nor are you American. Like her mom called her out. And I was like, I had a pause that scene. I was like, wow, wow, okay. V accurate, very, very accurate in the space. But my mom said that to me. And then I was like, okay, she's, if you're gonna date a white man, like, that was like the end of the conversation, you're gonna date a white man. And in my head, like part of it was also like, I am bisexual. And I never came out to my parents about it. I had multiple occurrences where I've held back saying that like anybody that knows me, when I say it, they're like, Oh, I never expected this of you because you're married to a white guy.
41:02
And I was like, I am bisexual, meaning I am attracted to both. I like looking at both. I'm so monogamous. And I found my happy human who happened to be a white man. Right? But I definitely remember like, being stopped purely at the you're going to marry a white man conversation and being like, so if race is not even part of the conversation, I can't even say that I'm that it could be a white female. Right? Right. A female in general, right? Like I could not even like, I would kill my mother's heart in that space. Right. Like, that's what would happen.
41:41
And, you know, nowadays, you hear a lot of like, LGBTQ narrative in my favorite narrative that, like, made me bawl my eyes out is this Netflix movie of an Asian American girl who likes it and her dad just like, like just being chill about it. And like having that and like, for her story of being like, kind of prenta phi child really resounded with me as well. And she took care of her dad and stuff. And like, if anybody wants to watch, kind of in feel as Asian Americans, if you're first gen immigration, so like, You're not born in the US, and you've Jenner, like a first gen with your parents, or if your parents is first gen, I'm there's a similar narrative where we end up growing, we end up losing our childhood faster, because of language.
42:33
Like, I cannot tell you how many times at the age of five or six, I was translating for my parents totally right. I was doing things for my parents, I read the bill islanders to accounting for my mom. Like, granted, my mother's an accountant, she's like, you're going to learn how to do accounting, right, like true Asian for, but like, I remember, like doing that stuff and like translating letters for her way beyond how well before I should have learned, right? And so there's an extra level of like, responsibility that gets kicked in. And mental health isn't talked about. In Asian culture. You mentioned that earlier. And I was like, Yeah, mental health doesn't exist.
43:13
Like, just like how we don't have the sex conversation. I also don't have the mental health conversation. Oh, no, like you just called a sex education in high school. Like, that's what I found. I was lucky enough that I was in tech like my I was in Austin. And so they were a little bit more okay with like showing about a sex video because other parts of Texas does not there are some school districts in Texas, Texas, where they won't show that. But I was like, lucky enough to see that. And understanding that piece, I still joke and say if you want the best birth control is you show the bill of how much it costs to take care of a baby two high schoolers, and that will be the best birthday ever. And
43:51
so like, we don't have these conversations, and so as something that my therapist had said to me and to own if we're talking about it, and I love Brene Browns quote of and you cannot bear courageously until you own your own story and narrative. And one of my favorite things. One of my things when I when Black Lives Matter came out last year i The only thing I said and did was share her video explaining the social injustice that was happening, which is the literal dehumanization of another human being to being a product.
44:25
And that is why we must and if we we must support and talk about this because if we don't talk about this, we can't talk about any gray area, us included. Right? Like there's a lot of other stuff involved to that because people are like, What about everybody else and I was like, We need to talk about this first. This is if this is not set in legal system, we have to understand cases are defined based on precedents in legal system because the whole entire thing of everything that we're talking about, is not the cultural side the People's Court of opinion like I talk about it's actually the legal system.
45:02
And the legal system is you decide cases Supreme Court decides cases based on precedent of previous cases, like, if anybody took a law class, like intro to law class, that's literally it is like you talk about this, you talk about these points, you have precedents from previous cases. And if there's not a precedence of previous cases, then it goes up to the Supreme Court. And it sets those cases, right, like, but it's all about backing that up. And we have to be able to talk about it in the most extreme case level, like slavery, and the repercussions of identifying and branding a whole entire race of beings to being products and how we feel from that. So owning that story of us as a nation, before we can move on to talk about other pieces, but we can, and it's not the end of the day, but like that needs to set a lot of that precedence will flow into other future legal proceedings.
Judy Tsuei 46:03
Well, and that's why I think that we need to stop being a silent generation so that we can start contributing to the cultural conversation. And so having these harder conversations and then advocating for, you know, other marginalized populations speaking about like truths that are really hard to understand, everything that you're talking about, I think is so relevant and important. And I think I want to go back to the parental FIDE, you know, generation of how our childhood gets reduced, because of having immigrant parents who need our help to like translate, who need our help to just navigate the world. I mean, I'm the oldest of four.
Judy Tsuei 46:37
So like, when I went into school, I was the first to like, figure everything out. So then it got easier with each child, but then I was the one who had to, like, advocate for my siblings as well to be like, Okay, I think that they should go on this, like, you know, trip, or I think that this should happen. So there's definitely that whole weird role that we play for, where we're asked to be adults, I mean, everything that I've studied now, with now having my own daughter, there's a great book called The whole brain child, and you learn about your actual brain development.
Judy Tsuei 47:07
And you know, what parts of our brains are not fully developed to be able to handle the expectations and the pressures that are put upon us. And so it's very difficult and very traumatic, and, you know, wounding to have all of that pressure to be an adult before you're ready to do it. Because, you know, in this book, it will even say, like, not until your mid 20s Does your brain start to develop, and that's why we make like foolish decisions in college as well, like, where we're not, you know, doing the smartest thing making the wisest choices, we're just still not even fully capable of doing that. And processing my
47:37
own boggles my brain that people assume that you should have kids at 18. Yeah. Doing a kid have a kid. Yeah. And I always
Judy Tsuei 47:45
say that, like, you know, I'm so lucky that my group of mom friends, like, we all had our kids in our mid to late 30s. And so we are all the same age now. And our children are the same age. And I think that's such a unique experience. Because we've all you know, by the time we had children, We'd lived our lives, we had experienced so many things, and I would have been a very different parents, if I had her so much younger, I wouldn't have had the patience, I wouldn't find the understanding. Even now. I mean, like, it's still just being a parent is hard, it was very hard.
49:13
Right. And like I think the big thing is also like there's a lot you have to allow yourself to grieve and not like you have to allow yourself and be like wow, wait, this happened to me and like let yourself be angry. Let yourself cry. Let it go like your body will feel it Your body is like this beautiful Epitome tune that is pulled so much. And then when you start having like chronic issues and stuff like that, like I got dealt with hyperthyroidism as a child, and it was my body being like, Yeah, and you haven't depressed you call a suicide survivor. I proudly say that I am a suicide survivor.
49:51
And I say that to anyone who's having who's on this call who feels anxiety or depression or alone and I say you are enough and here's the thing that my saving grace in all of that is that I had hypothyroidism and it was a wake up call. And what I saw when I fought all the way through to my funeral, because in my darkest time, I was like, oh, what will people say? When people were like, Oh, she died so young. And it was like, but the no one cared. And I was like, wait, no one cared, no one care, that I'm gonna care, I'm gonna build my shit up, I'm gonna do my thing.
50:32
And I will do the things right. Like, that's the thing. But when there's a lot of people out there, and it hurts my heart a lot, like, especially in Asian culture, you hear things like Kpop, we talked about Kpop. Really, there is Lou Ellis Lu, as a very sad slew of beautiful, amazing artists who do so well. And they were told that they just never heard that they weren't enough. And they never believed that they weren't. And they ended up committing suicide. And in a culture that just doesn't talk about mental health. I mean, Korea and Japan have like, highest suicide rates.
51:04
Korea, Japan, China, like it's like, if you Google suicide, it's, it's I like, like, hands down. And because you're taught not to be vulnerable, this conversation of Brene Brown vulnerability, like does not even exist in that arena. And part of it is, like, for those of you that are hearing this that are just in the deepest, darkest days, I want to just tell you that you are enough, yeah, you're so enough. And as much as I want to, like just hold you and hug you, I want you to just understand that like, as much as anybody else will tell you around you like, it is your personal decision. And I want to say that you are enough.
51:46
And when you get to that space, and you feel like you can hug yourself, that's this, that's the point to come up. And for those of you that are like in the coming up stage, I want to say that like it is okay. To open up Pandora's box, and to grieve in grieving that your body can truly release the tension that is felt it's like the nuts player of not that's just been there for like ever and ever. And you're like when you poke it, you're like, is this a muscle? Or is this a not like deep tissue thing mentally to get into this not?
52:24
And allowing yourself to like really let go that space. And in that space afterwards, we can build bridges, we can have conversations of like, we want to do better. Like I totally resound with you in the sense when you hear like you're doing better for Wilder versus for or like, based on like, for you and how you do it. That's me. I'm very like, thing like, if I have a daughter, I want to show her everything that I never felt. Yeah, that's the only reason why I would have a good. Yeah,
Judy Tsuei 52:52
I mean, I always say that, like, if she grows up, and she feels safe and secure in the world. And I've done a really good job. Because I think that that is such a fundamental level that so many Asian Americans don't feel like whether it's because, you know, you grew up with parents who believe that beating you is totally okay. Like that's, you know, like, I didn't think that that was not normal growing up like, and until I started talking to other people, and they're like, Sorry, what happened to you? And I'm like, What do you mean, what happened to me?
Judy Tsuei 53:20
You didn't have like, have to reach out your palm and then have someone like hit you with a rolling pin, like that didn't work, like, you know. And so I think that it's definitely that grieving process is so hard. And however it looks for you, you know, when I used to teach you a lot, it is held in your body, your emotions are stored in your body. So there'll be oftentimes where there are certain poses, especially like hip openers, pigeon pose, and you know, like, we live in a society where we're constantly in these 90 degree angles, we're sitting in chairs, and, you know, driving
53:47
winter buckles to infinity and beyond. Yeah, totally.
Judy Tsuei 53:51
All of your emotions are like, you know, stuck in here. And so when you open it up, it's an opportunity to release so however that looks for you. I also say like, you know, I was really angry and I was not taught how to process that anger. So I had to find ways to do that. So I went to like a Krav Maga class, you know, like doing whatever it could whatever I could. So however that look, we have a punching bag
54:11
in our house. Yes, exactly. Yes. To get it out shortly healthy. What's not healthy is holding it in. Yeah, absolutely. That's, that's the that's the piece to that. And I say like after all this, like we talked a lot about the darkness and the same that we feel for being Asian American. And I also want to say like once you let that go in order, if you if you let it go, you welcome the new right. And in welcoming you. I've learned that I'm all proud of being part of this generation of Asian Americans. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm proud of it. I used to be so ashamed to be associated as it totally and now I'm like, hell yeah, I'm Asian American Hell yeah. I'm a bisexual Asian American business owner.
55:05
And I don't look like a twig. I have boobs. I have a butt made from squats, and my trainer plus my trainer, right? Like she has helped me made a bite, right? Like, there's all like, I have everything that like most people don't assume. And like one of the biggest things like if we're talking about outward appearance of it is that like, as an individual, I didn't belong, I'm five foot eight. I'm tall for an Asian and I have body mass. I don't look like a twig. I eat food. I'm loud. All the trains we bought naturally loud, I sang. And I'm very vocal, like, I am the epitome of the opposite of what most people assume, of being Asian. And I have purple hair.
55:50
So like, there's also I mean, the other Kpop has a lot of purple hair these days. Anyway, I don't. But like, one of the things that I've owned, is being just me, because what's the use of fitting in, right? Because by the time you're gone, there's no legacy left. No one's gonna remember you if you put it away, right? Like, that's the that's the piece of it. Like, that was my biggest thing that has to this day, people asked me if I like, feel regretful or anger that I grew up as a parent if I child or if I grew up as a suicide survivor. And I said, No, because I have done things that no, most normal humans don't do, like 2020. I like plans and been free for me on like three levels.
56:40
And my therapist was like, okay, most people could only handle one of those things. You did all three things. And I was like, Yeah, but I also live the life of like, if I dropped dead the next moment, what would I like? That's how I live my life, which is like fully at the edge of my comfort zone. And that's how I do it. And don't get me wrong. I have learned to rest in that drive. Oh, yeah, that's hard. That's a hard part. Right? Like, that's another hard part to it. But like the the sustaining piece is my Asian culture, the pausing piece is growing up where we are taught to think 25 years in advance of our future.
57:21
Like, these are things that is that I'm very insanely proud about being Asian. I mean, like, Come on, let's be real. The amount of vegetables that we eat and consume and Asian cuisine over American cuisine saves our body of grief for years. Like I don't get allergies, I don't get pimples that nicely on a ton of good vegetables. And it's a balanced meal, like over American like fat, and carbs. Like no offense to those who love American food. But like, let's let's be real, let's be honest, how many vegetables actually go in each busy? Right? So?
Judy Tsuei 57:57
No, I love I think it's nice. Yeah, the goal is in all of these conversations, to start really defining how being Asian American looks for you, in the world that we live in today. And I think that it's constantly evolving, it's constantly growing. But everything that you're saying is completely right. There's so many things that I thought that I would want to shed and just like never look out again, but that they've actually made me into the person who I am. And then it's helped me find the resilience and the resolve for so many other things that now I can feel proud of, and stand into.
Judy Tsuei 58:30
And like the more that you give yourself permission to be who you are, the more that everybody else around, you gets the opportunity to do same. I feel like a lot of growing up as an Asian American surviving through and thank you so much for sharing your suicide survival story. You know, like, I mean, I, there are so many instances where, you know, I wish that people would just open up more, especially after becoming a parent, there are so many things that I was like, Wait, all of you people who became parents before me also experienced probably something similar.
Judy Tsuei 58:59
Why are we still not talking about these things? Why are we not talking about like, what happens to your body after you have a child? Or why are we not talking about like the mental health and like the impact on your relationship, like all of these other things. So I don't think it's just like being Asian American, I think it's just like, as you know, people in general, we want to like put our best face forward, but the more that we can do this and be vulnerable, the more that we can help remove that guilt and the shame so you can do the actual work to step into who you are.
Judy Tsuei 59:25
And you know, I just heard this thing today that like, you are never given Well, I was told this a long time ago, you're never given more than you can handle which I hated because I was like I don't want to handle so much shit anymore. Just like stop giving me so much to handle but also that like you never know what you're made of. Until you're challenged and until you're tested and then you get to see like, Who is the person who you want to be who it Who is it that you want to become and I love that you also said that thing about like death and constantly thinking about that.
Judy Tsuei 59:53
I just wrote a post on Instagram about that because that's constantly at the forefront of my mind. And you know, I would venture to say Anybody who's had a child also like your mortality, your sense of mortality, just all of a sudden becomes magnified, you realize there's a human who you're responsible for, what kind of like, you know, impact is that going to make if something happened to you what, what would you do? But then in addition to that, I think just realizing like, you're never guaranteed your next breath, I think about that all the time of like, Oh, my God, you know, would I have done enough in the time that I've been allotted? If, you know, the next, whatever, 20 minutes, like, that's all you got? Like, what is it?
Judy Tsuei 1:00:30
So I think being able to understand that that's like a, you know, real eventuality for everybody who exists, ideally, would help you to, you know, find the gratitude for everything that you're going through right now. All the good stuff, and the challenges, and then also encourage you to reflect upon, like, you know, how you want to be, and like you said, like, I think, going through all of these hard things, there are so many beautiful moments ahead.
Judy Tsuei 1:00:57
And when I discovered that, you know, there was a someone who was a former middle school student, like, so maybe they were just in ninth grade, and over the pandemic, they committed suicide, which is heartbreaking. And someone said to me, well, that's so sad, because they haven't gone enough cycles around the sun to know that you can make it through and that you will be okay. And I think that the older that we become, and the more mature that we become, we see like, Yes, life is hard. And sometimes we're throwing such curveballs, but that, as you grow, you realize you have the capacity to handle it.
Judy Tsuei 1:01:37
So for anybody, like I love that you, you know, throughout this interview had said, you know, my therapist, this, my therapist, I just I think being able to normalize even that part of the conversation is so huge, like, whoever your team is, whoever your resources are, you know, and when I went to go see when I was in the depths of my postpartum depression, and I went to finally go see an MD about it, who wanted to put me on medication. I was on medication in my mid 20s. And it made me feel like a zombie. And it was terrible.
Judy Tsuei 1:02:06
And I never wanted to go back because I think the person just prescribed it too quickly. And like, wasn't caring about, like, the dosage or anything. So I mentioned those things to this new MD, and she was like, well, we'll get your dosage, right. But I want to let you know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And so if that's the path that you choose, there is no coming back from that. So you know, just having someone say that and really understand like, the gravity of it, you know, just if you are struggling, like please go find help. There's no shame in that. And then you get to help other people. Yeah, I mean, it is
1:02:41
absolutely no and I think that's the thing is like the ultimate like, people are like silver bullet oriented to short term Instagrammed vacation issue of technology and social media. I live in the realm so I guess if I had one thing to say, is that you like there is literally Shame shame is purely because we allow shame didn't open. Like, the reason why we're afraid to be vulnerable, we're afraid to be things like I joke all the time, especially during 2020 I'll be like, Wouldn't it be great if the world just like you know, critically thought things through thoroughly was compassionate together and was willing to collaborate on this shit what kind of like, like, not be this shitty.
Judy Tsuei 1:05:09
I want to echo like, really gaining clarity on what voice is your voice? Or what are the voices that you hear from the people who are around you growing up, because there was a moment when you were talking earlier. And I remember the story of my mom really wanted us to, I don't know, master English, I guess. So like, she got us a bunch of journals. And so we'd always have to journal every night, I didn't know what the hell I was writing, like, whatever. But I started keeping these journals since I was like, seven, six, or seven.
Judy Tsuei 1:05:39
So I still have them, they're in my garage right now. But one day, when I was 26, and living my apartment in Santa Monica, and in like eating disorder, therapy, and just processing through all of the things that have happened, my family, like up until then, I decided for some reason to go on top of the fridge, where it's stuck all these journals and grab them down and take a look at them. So as I'm flipping through, I'm seeing that at the age of six or seven, I have self loathing thoughts. Why do I suck? Why? You know, like, does everybody hate me? Oh, I'm going to try harder, I'm going to do more, I'm going to be more so that I'll gain like their approval, you know, that's what I was writing like six or seven in whatever, six or seven year old language.
Judy Tsuei 1:06:18
Fast forward to the journals that I had when I was 21. It's the exact same thoughts. They were like, Oh, my God, like beating myself up, you know, why can I not do this good enough, like, Does this person like care about me, etc, etc. And as I was flipping through those, I realized Holy shit, those were not my thoughts. I could not at that age, at that young age of just watching my own daughter, you know, learning about child psychology and like conscious parenting, all that those are not the thoughts that you were born with.
Judy Tsuei 1:06:47
You were not born with like hateful, self hating thoughts. So I know that that came from the environment around me and you know, bless my family, you know, they were going through their own traumas doing the best that they could, but it obviously, like impacted me deeply. So it's taken a lot of energy and effort and therapy and personal work and meditation and whatever to start to understand. Are those my thoughts like were those like, is that what I actually believe about myself? What are my core values? Like, what do I actually care about?
Judy Tsuei 1:07:19
And how do I want to show up, and that I mean, even like, in Jay Shetty, his book, Think like a monkey will say, like one of his first in the first few chapters, he asked you what your core values are to understand, like, how to unpack what you were told by society is important, what you're told by your family of origin is important. So that kind of work is so valuable to do right now.
Judy Tsuei 1:07:40
So you can differentiate what is that inner voice? I recently was listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast and this guy was saying, you know, he wrote a book about this, but that like, for most of us, if you asked us to take our inner voice and projected on a jumbotron, we would be mortified, like, nobody wants to, like see, like, you know what those thoughts are. So you're not alone in that. But it's time to start rewriting that story and rewriting that narrative and clearing it out. So then you can have that inner coach who's on your side, you can have that like compassionate, you know, self loving voice, instead of one that you're constantly at odds with. Might feel shitty. So, yes.
1:08:20
And if you're listening to this, and you're like, Wow, it sounds like a lot of things that when you read like top five most successful people in the world, blah, blah, blah. Here's the thing. Entrepreneurship is the most intense personal journey development thing that you can ever do. However, all the stuff that we're talking about is not exclusive to successful people. No, it's not. Like it's what successful people air quote, air quotes, business owners, entrepreneurs, blah, blah, like are labeled as what they're actually truly are, is that they've owned the journey of being a change maker and turn themselves intuitively.
1:08:56
Our world has there's different things, you hear this quote, thrown around, like we've become low club, and I was like, and I will I will set this container and this will help hopefully help people process what's going around because in this post pandemic world, empower self empowerment just became critical mass is what I want to say, and post pandemic. And the pandemic just was like the universe being like, everybody needs to just get what the picture because you guys are going down a really bad road and we just got to figure this out. Right? Like that's the that's the sassy universe. Whoo. If you want to share that note from if you had to blame someone, it's the universe kicking your butt to get it together.
1:09:38
General, like the the pandemic was an everything that is 2020 was a signal of an invitation of like, you are faced with your mortality. It's what you saw talked about we talked about earlier, it's like in 72 hours, if you did not exist, what matters within 72 hours, COVID will kick your ass and you're gone. Right? Like that's the reality of it. So what matters and what you saw as like, just like an exodus is every, like a huge amount of human beings when I say hitting Critical Mass is like the massive amount where where a movement becomes a wave of like true is to forms is they bought a woken where they realize that life is not like the board game life or it's linear and it's materialistic.
1:10:31
It's actually like a video game like Breath of the Wild from Zelda where it's like full exploration, and you're actually building a character, because what's the use of having the most powerful materialistic sword to fight the boss if your character is not developed? So what you could potentially willed 9000 damage you only build wield 90 BMG, right, like that's first stage. And I like to joke and say, Welcome to human real life, you have now evolved, okay, you're on your side of your journey, and most people are there, their understanding truly what matters, right.
1:11:08
And they're in this early stage, for those of you that are in the next stage, which is change seeker where you're understand what's happening the world and you see what's possible, and you see everybody, like, please remember how long it took you to get there to just that stage and be passionate, and help the other people along build bridges, not burn them, is my suggestion. Don't be like get on. It's not a drinking game, where you're like, Get on my level, that's not the case.
1:11:35
It's more like, friends, what's going on, like, I get you, I see you. This is how I dealt is that helpful? Let's let's accelerate you. Because in sharing my journey, and bridging and sharing my narrative, I am helping you bridge it faster, right? With you key of change seeker to a change maker, if you google this language, there's a beautiful smart human being in Sweden, who's a professor that has explained this well, in the LinkedIn article, it's basically a when a change, see, or who sees possibility of change, understanding own they have power in making change. In this world, big or small, whether you are a individual within a company or an organization, etc, or you're the leader of that organization, you have power to make change in your world.
1:12:22
And it starts with a single action, right? That shift is the shift to being a change maker. And that's where you see most of the tangible results of entrepreneurs is them owning that change maker space building innovation and leading innovation. Those are what we in marketing like to call early adopters. Now the rest of the world, when we say Critical Mass is we've hit middle adoption of self empowerment. So for those of you listening, and just recognize where you are on that stage, and to our earlier part of our conversation, find people that are either on the same journey with you or have gone that journey with you, that is part of guiding you and just get it so that you are seen and supported. Because this is not a journey for us to do alone. Yes, there are points of introspection and processing. Right. But it's about processing, trying it out and then redefining it as you go.
Judy Tsuei 1:13:21
I mean, Mike drop was like, I don't really have anything else to ask, you know, usually asked like, what's the one thing that you would say about like FX saving face, you know, the one message that you would like to share if you have anything else feel free, but I think that that was amazing.
1:13:39
Yeah, I mean, that's like Ron's like, big projector truth. Right. But like, if I had to just say like one tactical thing, I usually like to give the big truth bomb. And I say, Here's your starting point. Your starting point is, is just like a thing to say is like, you are arriving in the perfect place at the perfect time and the perfect space. My like, there's literally no right or way to do this. There's really no right or wrong timing to do this. It's your narrative and your story.
1:14:10
It's your show, literally, no one knows what's happening behind the scenes, except you. So you could choose how you'd like to write that narrative. And I cannot wait to see I cannot wait to like, like and this is just a social media marketer in me that saying like, let's This is about community, right? We're sharing our vulnerable narrative to ignite conversations about this. So as you hear this, like an explorer, please LIKE if you feel comfortable in DMing us Yeah. If you want to share it and tag us in stories or wherever, like, please do this. We would love to just I just want to hope my happiness each day is that being able to hear from the person that is receiving this and if they get them what their response is that yeah, that's what brings me excited.
Judy Tsuei 1:15:00
I'm so excited because I think that each one like as we step more into that authentic power, just the change, the positive change that we create for everybody else around us is so huge. Whether that's, you know, your immediate family or your workspace, your, you know, like, friend, group, whatever it is, or you know, you're in the space of leadership, and you're like, really guiding people along. It's so exciting to be here now. And like, you wouldn't be here, if you weren't meant to be here, like, this is the time now. I mean, we're at the cutting edge of whatever's going to come. So thank you so much. And if people want to learn more about you, where can they find you?
1:15:39
So they want to follow me it's imperfectly Ren on Instagram. And if they want to, if they're in the business arena, and they're curious of exploring the business space, they can go to arcs, you consulting COMM And they can check out all the things if they want to nerd out and like yeah, please like DM me or message me on Facebook, on like my public side of things and connect with me, and I would love to hear how this serves them.
Judy Tsuei 1:16:07
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, everyone, for listening. Yay. Thank you so much for joining me today. Just as a heads up, there's a couple more episodes before the end of the year and to close out Season Two. I'm really grateful that you've been here and as I always say, if you like what you hear, take what works for you leave the rest. And I would be honored if you would share this with someone in your life.
Judy Tsuei 1:16:33
You can support us in that way you can make a donation you can continue to just focus on healing and thriving yourself because as you know, if you've been following this podcast, I believe that hurt people hurt people.
Judy Tsuei 1:16:46
So if we truly want to change the world, it is work that begins within. I look forward to seeing you as we wrap up Season Two. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. You can follow me on Instagram at F* saving face or have an honest conversation with me in my private Facebook group f*ck saving face. That's f*ck without the U.
Judy Tsuei 1:17:09
if you enjoy this work, please help support and sustain it. The best ways to do that are to share it with your friends and networks. Subscribe rate and review on your listening platforms. And of course through your thoughtful financial donations. You can buy me a coffee or treat me a lunch or sharing an even bigger lap at f*ck saving face.com Again, that's f*ck without the U.
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