EPISODE 36: [MINDFULNESS] LET YOUR FEELINGS COME OUT
SHOW NOTES
Because it's been on my mind and on my heart of how to get clear about what it is that you're feeling, today's mindfulness practice is about getting clear about what you're feeling — and then how to express that out loud. As I mentioned, it’s Pride month and I've always held so much respect for people who come out. I believe that to do so, you have to explore deep inner work and commit to living authentically. It takes bravery and courage to express who you are out into the world, especially when the world is not always receptive to that kind of authenticity and transparency. It can be deeply vulnerable to share who you are with someone else.
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the F*ck Saving Face podcast. I'm your host, Judy Tsuei, and together we'll explore mental and emotional health for Asian Americans, especially breaking through any taboo topics. Like may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Let's make your story beautiful today.
My voice sounds a little bit funny because I caught a cold this weekend. I took my daughter camping up into the sequoias. And it was beautiful, but having a head cold while you're up at altitude and driving down made it very, very challenging to be able to hear or anything for quite a long time. My daughter's in the sports mobile that I borrowed from my friends.
So we could go glamping. She's trying to talk to me. And I'm like, what? I can't hear you, but it was a great time. And it was a wonderful opportunity for her to be there with her Waldorf class and for them to all run around and roam free and wild. Knowing that pretty much the entire campsite was taken out by people that we knew.
And it was such a blessing to have her have that freedom, because I think it's so rare to find today. And, you know, speaking of freedom, another thing that I became aware of is this freedom to express yourself, to give yourself permission, to know what it is that you want and how to express what it is that you need.
And those are things that I'm just learning now. And I'm in my forties. Getting clear on what exactly is it that I'm feeling? What exactly is it that I am wanting and then feeling confident enough in my own worth and value, to be able to express that out loud so that that need can get met. And those are all in development, in progress and in practice.
And I'll be featuring an interview in the future with chief fam. Who's this amazing plant-based triathlete. One of the things that she mentioned is how, when her parents came to visit her in Hawaii, she asked them, what do you want to do? And her immigrant parents from Vietnam, they didn't know how to answer that question because it was such an unasked question in their experience of their lived lives.
They just were never given the opportunity because they were moving from fleeing a country to a survivalist mentality to then finally getting to a place of stability. So that it is a luxury and a freedom to be able to reflect upon that. And a lot of the things that we are covering these days with all of these podcast episodes really requires some time and space.
And, you know, just to achieve a certain level of awareness means that you have that bandwidth to do so. So as my neighbor and dear friend loves to say space and grace space and grace, so whatever it is that you're going through right now, I hope that you are giving yourself the space and grace or whatever you're experiencing that other people around you are also going through giving them the space and grace to process that.
So, because it's been on my mind and on my heart of how to get clear about what it is that you're feeling, I want today's mindfulness practice to be about that, to be about getting clear about what it is that you're feeling and then how to express that out loud. As I mentioned this month is pride month and I've always held so much respect for people who come out, who, you know, do their own inner work to figure out who they are authentically.
And then to find that bravery and that courage to express that out into the world when the world is not always receptive to that kind of authenticity and transparency. And I think that it can be really deeply vulnerable to. Share with someone else. This is what I'm feeling and here's what I need. And can you help me meet this need?
It's something that I'm learning right now in my relationship that I had these feelings floating in the background for quite some time, but I wasn't able to put my finger on it. And so rather than have a preemptive conversation, I just kind of waited. Until they percolated and then rose to the surface through an external event that kind of catalyzed everything.
But then I fully acknowledged that it took me a while to get to that place of being able to get clear on what it was that I was feeling, because I don't think I was ever given that luxury, growing up to connect with my feelings to really believe that they were valid and worthwhile. And instead I was told, you will feel this way, you will do this thing.
And so I learned how to fall in line with that. It's been a big practice to get to that point of gaining that personal clarity. And then from there, once I practiced and did that, I had to then move to the next step, which is the asking the expression. And that in and of itself is another huge challenge for so many people.
It's this act of bravery and courage. And to hope that the person that you're speaking with can also hear what it is that you're saying. And I've learned. Over the past decade, that listening is as important as expression. And that's something that we'll cover with an upcoming episode with the marriage and family therapist for today.
I would love for you to practice coming out with your feelings, to someone in your life, to someone who is trusting and who feels like a safe space because not everyone is that. And I think it's also part of maturity and wisdom to learn who it is in your life that will hold you. In that high regard and that respect to be able to hear what it is that you have to say.
And ideally without judgment with just an open heart and open listening. So wherever you are, see if you can create some space for yourself and really allow yourself to be seen. And this is something new, I think for so many of us who are used to hiding in the background, Who may have battled a lot of insecurities to come to this moment now.
So it's a practice. So I might you to find a space where you can create a bit of stillness, where all the external momentum begins to slow, and you bring all of your awareness to what's happening on the inside. If you can. I encourage you to close your eyes and connect to your breath.
So as you begin to deepen your breath, notice how it feels to be in your body. Now, for me, I feel a little bit of excitement in my heart. So this fluttery kind of feeling, I feel satiation in my belly. As I just had a snack and I feel maybe some aches and pains from driving around a lot this weekend and not moving as much as I would normally do and arriving in this place.
Yeah. So in this place, in this moment, you are safe. You have made it through every single one of the hardest moments of your life to be here now. And I hope you know, that you are brave and you are bold and courageous. He were all these things that you may think that you are not, you are beautiful and resilient and resplendent.
Continue to connect to your breath. If any doubts, start to come through any cyclical thoughts, just let your exhale, let them go. Bringing your awareness more and more to your inhalation, balanced by your exhalation.
At any time you begin to feel things. That may be a little bit much. You're always welcome to flow your eyes open, to move around, to find your comfort and your center. Yeah.
So as much as we would like to believe that we have all the answers or that even someone else has the answers for us. Oftentimes it is a leap of faith and a practice of asking ourselves those deeper questions, reflecting. What is it that I'm feeling right now, really check in with yourself? What is it that you're feeling any feeling?
At this moment is okay. We're arriving with that sense of non-judgment and simple observation. What am I feeling right now?
And you may be feeling opposite emotions simultaneously. You may be feeling both joy and sadness, both excitement and nervousness. Anger and love.
Take a few more moments to check in with yourself and maybe there's some subtle emotions behind the obvious ones.
Taking a deep breath in
and a deep breath out saying everything else.
And now the next question is, what is it that I need right now?
Is there something that I have wanted that is not being met. Is there something that I've been afraid to express? Is there something that I'm not saying because I'm afraid that someone else may get angry or upset or not like my thoughts and my opinion.
Do I need to be held more? Do I need to be seen more? Do I need more support to be more carried in my life? What is it that I need right now? And take a few cycles of breath to ask yourself that question.
And it's okay if sometimes it's a little bit hard to get clear about what that is. This is a practice you can come back to it at any time, take another deep breath in and let it all out.
And finally, what do I need to be able to express myself? What will help me feel safe to be able to say the things that are in my head and on my heart? What is it that I need to bring what's on the inside to the outside? And how can I communicate this in a way where I will be heard? And just see what comes to the forefront of your awareness.
As you ask that question, it may be a surprising response.
There's no wrong answer, which are higher wisdom, your inner guide, let you know what it is that you need to communicate out into the world.
and we'll take a few more moments here, opening up the space. Then if your inner guide that higher wisdom has something to share with you, let it come through now. What does my higher self want me to know?
And when you're ready, take a full deep breath in.
We're going to hold at the top of the breath. Let yourself fill up with that new life energy.
Hold it for just a little bit longer and then let it all go. And then we'll do that two more times. Breathing in new energy.
Hold at the top.
Let yourself feel filled up with all that you need. And then when you feel like you can't hold that breath anymore, just let it all out in a quick drop, exhaling, old energy. One more time, maybe breathing in deeper than you have all day so far.
Hold at the top and allow yourself to take up that space.
and then when you're ready, exhale it, all that. I go, no expectations. Just arriving here now. If your eyes are closed, you can gently open them returning back to the room, back to this moment and see if you gain any clarity, anything that you might want to jot down or journal. Maybe you want to pause the podcast and just take a few moments to reflect upon what came up and.
Remember you are so strong, you are so resilient. You can do this just as I tell my daughter all the time, you can do hard things. I hope that you have a beautiful weekend wherever you are in the world. And I hope that you will consider supporting the podcast in whatever way feels good for you. Whether that's making a donation, whether that's reaching out and providing feedback or rating us.
On any of your platforms that you're currently listening to. I'm so grateful for you, so thankful for your time and your energy for being here with me and yay. Here's to fuck saving face.
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