EPISODE 84: [PERSONAL ESSAY] HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (AND NUGGETS OF WISDOM FROM A 44 YEAR OLD)
SHOW NOTES
This week is my 44th birthday and I am celebrating it in Hawaii! I'm sharing a few nuggets of wisdom for my birthday. Thank you for listening!
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FULL TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the fuck saving face podcast we're empowering mental and emotional health for Asian Americans by breaking through taboo topics like may not always be pretty but it is indeed let's make your story beautiful he it's about four thirty in the morning in a recording this before I get on the plane to go to the Big Island to celebrate my birthday some turning forty four which for those of you who follow Chinese superstition you another four is not the luckiest of Chinese numbers however instead of thinking it's tell horror I'm gonna say four plus four equals eight which is a very lucky Chinese number originally this episode is going to be me recording P. top forty four things I've learned this last year or maybe throughout my life and then I realized forty four is a lot of things so instead I'm just gonna share it one of the key things that I feel like I've been using a lot over lately especially with my experiences over the last year is that I have been trying to pursue short cuts for really long time I always felt like behind I've always felt like if you listen to earlier episodes I need to make the most of every single moment that exists and because of the family environment that I grew up in which was often very chaotic traumatic and you know not with the kind of parental guidance that I needed I would seek it from external sources and I think that I did a pretty good job you know I've found really incredible people who had learned from and being a perpetual super nerd that's all I ever do I'm just absorbing information one of my partners friends recently sent to me how do you have time to listen to other podcasts audio books to read to do all the things you too and my partner is like well you know she doesn't ever stop and in fact he's totally see me listening to a podcast while I'm writing something etcetera hello he's like she's listening to podcasts which is doing dishes like all that kind of stuff which is true and yesterday I was driving to go meet with the client and I just want a quiet and one of the silent and over the last year and over the last few years and probably throughout my lifetime and invested a lot of money in different coaches and courses and retreats and things that I hoped would give me the answer and I'm not saying these things didn't help and they didn't get me to move closer to where I wanted to be here where I thought I wanted to be but I just know that if I were more patient if I believed in myself more then I don't think I would have needed to invest in this resource and there were a lot of results that were promised that it's always a little tricky in the softphone the game where I think the default response can always be like well you didn't try hard enough for your ready enough for that and so you know I always try to do my best to take full personal responsibility but it's tough because when you invest a lot of time or money or energy or trust then you'd like to see those results and so I think one of the lessons that I learned last year is that there aren't any shortcuts on this way to consciousness or to awareness to wokeness switches like the trendy thing that we've all heard purchase that self mastery and not understanding the answering of the question of why are we here or why am I here and what purpose to I have and how making a Sir and so I think this is why gratitude practices internally come into play because it's so easy to forget the small little things happen each and every day just yesterday my daughter said to me mom I really love your parenting style which remember she seven Sastre what what do you feel like my parenting style is she's like well you're generous and you're carrying your giving you no you're fine but you're also saying no one in I need to hear known all these amazing things and so moments like not the other thing that I realized driving back from my client's office is I was going to be a mom and even though I helped raise my three younger siblings and becoming a mom was not at the top of my list very glad that living on Kawhi meeting might eventually ex husband and you know all of the magic and the mind on the island that that helped me I understand the top well they wanted to come into being and I was supposed to be her mom and so I always feel like I have been nurturing I have been wanting to give my love and create that connection because that Levin connection has always been one of the most meaningful things to me but in the family of origin I had her in the different relationships intimate partnerships are formed it was always there and when I was a yoga teacher people used to ask are you going to become a mom it's a known you know the bottom miles's if anything help raise meeting your siblings it's you know it including changing diapers making lunches during that time I did all of those things from a very young age but they always tell me you're so nurturing and I could totally see it in you and there is a moment in a your training class when we were doing our advanced training where we did a prenatal course so to feel like what it might feel like to become a parent you know we did the whole pillows into the belly just to try to see what adjustments might need to be made and when I did not my teacher at the time Turner looked to me and she's like oh you're gonna make a great mom one day I can see it like you're going to become a mother I was like what you talking about and you know becoming a mother has been one of the greatest gift of my life if not the greatest it's been one of the greatest adventures for shore and absolutely trying and challenging and requires so much presence and Asian but I do feel like I was meant to live in the night I'm okay embracing that now and it's taken me a long time and thankfully my ex husband sister when I was first pregnant Tony it's okay if you don't bond with your baby right away you know she was just sharing that people have different experiences and what we see in the media is not necessarily how it unfolds which I was so grateful that she said that because it'd take me time I peripartum depression I have been very sick throughout my entire pregnancy with hyperemesis and then had postpartum so it's been a journey to even connect with my daughter and allow myself to enjoy those moments and to not beat myself up which has been part of my regular M. O. and to just you know enjoy this role that I am happy to step into now so I will leave you today with just an invitation to be kind to yourself to be gentle I had asked my friends when I planned a party gathering to email an email address that I set up with birthday wishes and memories and stories and I wanted to be able to open it up on my birthday and see all of these messages from people that I love and so I invite you as a birthday gift to me for this podcast if it served you in any way if you have any thoughts or if you want to share your experiences if you please email hello at fox saving face FCK that would be wonderful and love to hear your thoughts so for all of you celebrating milestones and birthdays Happy Birthday happy Boston to you and I'll see you next week I can you can do so in crypto if you'd like to send your dollars A. K. fiat currency to me via the cash app which uses a super fast lightning network I can convert it into a big one you can find me on the cash app by typing in a dollar sign Judy it's way T. S. U. but if you'd actually like to send me a direct crypto currencies email me at hello at fox saving face dot com and we can exchange crypto wallet addresses more ways you can support the podcasts are sharing this with your friends family anybody you think Clinton join this and remember to go get your copy of the little book of Tibetan rites and rituals at Barnes and noble Amazon audible or whatever you like to get your books make your story beautiful today
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