EPISODE 60: [MINDFULNESS] IT'S OKAY TO LET YOUR GUARD DOWN
SHOW NOTES
When exploring trauma, a lot of things can come up. Today’s practice helps you handle those feelings with care, and gingerly move towards a deeper kind of healing. Discover what it’s like to breathe and let your guard down.
For today's mindfulness practice, you are invited to become aware of your body and connect with your breath, respect the feelings that are coming up for yourself and create the space you need. This is an opportunity for you to feel safe and find meaning again, and connect with the people in your life.
We also explore:
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Judy Tsuei 0:06
Welcome to the F*ck Saving Face podcast. I'm your host, Judy Tsuei, and together we'll explore mental and emotional health for Asian Americans, especially breaking through any taboo topics. Life may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Let's make your story beautiful today.
Judy Tsuei 0:23
Can you believe that season one is almost done. For those of you who have been following along this entire season. Thank you so, so much I appreciate the donations that you made via the website or Patreon. I appreciate the emails and the messages on social media and to Hello@fcksavingface to share with me your thoughts. And it's been an incredible journey thus far. So we're taking a break after next week's episodes. And we will come back to you in September.
Judy Tsuei 0:51
This week, we have been talking about trauma. And I hope that based on the essay that was shared on Monday, and then the interview with KJ Nasrul on Wednesday that you've gotten a little bit more understanding of what trauma is and how it expresses in your own life, as well as ways for you to heal and know that you are not alone and the experiences that you're having.
Judy Tsuei 1:13
This entire podcast has been designed so that you understand that you are not alone in what you're going through that we all go through ups and downs and all arounds and some of us are just more reluctant to talk about it than others.
Judy Tsuei 1:24
You might have also heard me share in previous episodes that many of us believe there are people who are posting even more on social media about how amazing their lives are. It's to compensate for something that's actually happening inwardly. And this has proven true time and time again from the people in my own life that I've known. So I think comparing your insights based on someone else's outsides is a false comparison that it's never going to be the true story.
Judy Tsuei 1:51
It's never going to be the behind the scenes or whatever else is happening outside of the frame that you see in the pretty Instagram photos. I think that when we are going through a hard time to think that we are alone in this or that there's something wrong with us that it is happening to us is even more detrimental. So I hope that you know, this entire podcast has been an opportunity for you to understand that we are all human, we're all experiencing the human condition.
Judy Tsuei 2:16
And while we might have moments of enlightenment, or bliss, or contentment, that the entire gradient of experiences is all part of our story. And that we still have an opportunity to make our stories beautiful. Another reason of why the podcast is here is so that you can hopefully find more of the words that you need to express how you feel to the people closest in your life, that you can for this episode to a friend and say, This is what I've been going through or this is what happened to me or Wow, listen to what this expert is sharing. This is exactly you know, the learning that I needed in this moment evolve.
Judy Tsuei 2:51
And I think that it's really challenging when we're feeling things and we don't have the words to express them. So hopefully through the mindfulness practices like the one that's going to happen today, you can have an opportunity for self reflection. And in that, in those moments of pause and in quiet and reconnecting to your higher infinite self, that you can also glean a bit of wisdom of why we go through the hard times that we do, so that you can move forward in a way that truly does serve your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Judy Tsuei 3:22
I just text to this to someone very dear in my life, at some days, somehow, some way. What it is that you're going through right now is exactly the thing that you're going to be able to help someone else out with, because there will be someone who will come into your life in a very similar position and experience to what you're going through now. And you will be able to help them because of what it is that you went through, you'll know how that felt. So I think that in those times of challenge, or when we're really feeling like things aren't going our way we don't understand we're feeling strained or we're feeling you know, at the hands of other forces that are beyond our control, it can be easy to move into the kind of mentality that leaves us feeling powerless.
Judy Tsuei 4:06
And I think feeling powerless is a really, really difficult place to be. So remembering that you know, our lives and our relationships are made of these connections that are formed when we are vulnerable when we need help when we ask for help when we receive help. And one of the ways that we help us through the experiences that we've had and the wisdom that we've learned along the way and the insights and the lessons so that we can offer that as advice or support for someone else when they're going through something that we have also gone through. So because this week has been about trauma, how do you heal trauma with meditation and mindfulness? You know, we talked about how trauma could be in this entire range of experiences. It could be that you were the witness to violence, it could be that you experienced assault, or that you have PTSD from an accident or illness.
Judy Tsuei 5:01
And whenever we're in that place, we can get to feelings of powerlessness, which I'd mentioned or low self esteem, or even just blaming ourselves for, you know, Did I do something wrong? Should I have done something differently? trauma then impacts our ability to trust to be vulnerable to create meaning in our lives. And so if that's anything that you've experienced, I highly recommend that you connect with a qualified professional to get the support that you need. And Miss practice today might be one opportunity for you to kind of open up and be ready for that. Or maybe there's something that you've experienced in the past, because feelings aren't linear. You know, whatever is happening in your life right now, something else might be coming up that's kind of pushing on those tender spots.
Judy Tsuei 5:47
So today's practice might be an opportunity for you to lean into it, address it, hold it with tender loving care, respect the feelings that are coming up for yourself and create that space.
Judy Tsuei 6:00
So we'll begin today with simply an awareness of your body and your breath. As you start to become aware of your breath in your body, notice if you're holding, if it's difficult to breathe. Sometimes holding the breath can be an unconscious response to anxiety. And it may be something that you used before to dissociate from the experience that you were going through. If you did experience a trauma that was related to breathing in any way thing, connecting with your breath, maybe to triggering, so you can turn towards a body scan, or repeating a mantra, or even just gentle placing of your hands on your heart center, on your belly, wherever it feels safe for you to just be in your physical space right here right now.
Judy Tsuei 6:54
Over the next few cycles of breath, I'm simply going to guide you in becoming aware of where your breath is in your body. The simple act of breathing can bring us back to the sense of this present moment. And hear in this present moment, as you are listening to my words, in this present moment you are safe. That was a huge awareness that came to me when I was in therapy, that I was bringing up all these old memories, all these old wounds, things that I hadn't fully processed things that were exhibiting as my eating disorder. And one day I was sitting in my therapists office and I realized that I had arrived in that moment.
Judy Tsuei 7:34
And in that moment, I was safe that all the things that I had been running from my entire life, that I was in this space, processing it with someone else who could help me hold those emotions. But that all the things that I was afraid of afraid of the physical discipline from my parents afraid of being subjected to someone else's anger, whatever it was that in that moment of my life. I had made it through the hardest moments of my life and I was arriving there and then safe. So if it feels comfortable for you Take a deep breath in. And a deep breath out. another deep breath in. Deep breath out. Do it one more time. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Unless next cycle of breath. Just notice if there are feelings of discomfort.
Judy Tsuei 8:43
There's any sense of holding. And over the next cycle of breath. I invite you to notice the sensation of gravity. Feel the weight of your body, wherever you are, whether you're sitting in a chair, whether you're standing whether you're lying down, feel the weight of your body. How does that gravity feel?
Judy Tsuei 9:27
And as you continue to become more aware of your physical space within your body, within your environment, feeling that sense of gravity. Begin to scan your body for a place that feels relaxed, neutral or even a little bit comfortable. It can be something small, like the tip of your finger you're knee, your toe. Wherever it is, bring your awareness to that place, that place that feels neutral, or comfortable or safe. Notice what neutral feels like. What does it feel like for you? Can you describe it to yourself? What does neutral feel like?
Judy Tsuei 10:45
And if you were able to pinpoint a place in your body where it felt comfortable, what does comfortable feel like? What does it feel like for you? You describe it to yourself.
Judy Tsuei 11:06
Now, because one of the ways that we process or survive through trauma is to become something of a warrior, where we have to override our body sensations where we have to persevere and continue to drive forward. This can end up meaning that when I provide suggestions, and it doesn't quite resonate with where you are, or you're not experiencing the guidance that I'm offering, that there can be a sense of judgment that comes through. So can you simply use your exhalation to move a little bit further away from the judgment back to that neutral place, or to a place where you give yourself permission to be where you are? To be where you are on your own journey in your own experience in your own body. But it doesn't need to look like anyone else's. That where you are now is okay.
Judy Tsuei 12:12
Rather than focusing on more effort or more progress, can you focus on presence on balance on Aqua dimity. On giving yourself grace, building in breaks, practicing differently or shorter amounts of time, whatever works for you.
Judy Tsuei 12:43
There are experts who say that trauma survivors always feel like they're not working hard enough. And that's why they're stuck. But this isn't true. That it's okay to relax and to stop constantly trying to change. You are doing the practice the deep work of being mindful and aware you're showing up for yourself. you've pressed this episode you're listening, you've done the hard work. And you're also learning how to be in this practice of healing at the same time. That's remarkable and admirable. And it's okay to take a moment to be here now. And if there are emotions that are arising, because sometimes when we do pause and we create a little bit of space for some of the feelings that have been wanting to get our attention, start flooding in.
Judy Tsuei 13:45
Take another deep breath or find that neutral place that neutral space that we explored earlier. If there is a difficult sensation, memory, emotion, can you learn how to touch up against this pain in small increments. First bringing your awareness to the place that you found earlier that was neutral or even comfortable and be in that space to start. Then you can slowly draw your attention to what was difficult what was calling for your attention. And when it becomes too much, moving back to the place where it was neutral.
Judy Tsuei 14:40
By patiently moving your attention back and forth between the places that are neutral, uncomfortable, and then gently touching upon those feelings of discomfort. You help yourself modulate the emotion and the intensity of what you're going through. You have the option to stop at any time, and to honor what it is that you need. Now. As we close today's practice, I invite you to come to a place of a loving kindness or metta for yourself. It can be extremely difficult to practice compassion towards ourselves. And yet, we know what it feels like because we often express it to the people we love in our lives, to our children, to our partners, to our parents, to our friends. What is it that you need? Now? What is it that your heart, your body, your brain has been asking for?
Judy Tsuei 16:00
What is it that you may have been resisting giving yourself? Can you in this moment, offer yourself just a little bit more of what it is that you need.
Judy Tsuei 16:23
Take another deep breath in. Deep breath out.
Judy Tsuei 16:34
One more in, one more out.
Judy Tsuei 16:46
And when you're ready, totally floating your eyes open coming back into the space. You're welcome to come back to this practice or any of the other mindfulness practices at any time. What you need today will continue to ebb and flow and shift and I honor you for showing up for today's practice. Thank you so much for joining me here.
Wilder 17:12
Please support my mom's podcast. It has a bad word in it, but I think you'll know where to find it.
Judy Tsuei 17:19
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you liked what you heard and know someone in your life who might also benefit from hearing this episode, please feel free to share it with them. Also, if you'd like to support our show, you can make a one-time donation fcksavingface.com. Or, you can make a recurring donation at patreon.com/fcksavingface. That's “fck” without the “u.” Subscribe today to stay tuned for all future episodes.
